An Open Letter to My Hairapist

My Dearest Hairapist,

We have been in a long-term, exclusive relationship for more than 22 years, which is what makes this letter so difficult to write.  But, I believe that a relationship is built on honesty and trust, so today, I am revealing my infidelity to you.  Yes, I have been unfaithful to you with… Madison Reed.

I want to justify the many reasons why I felt I had no other choice but to stray.  I hope you understand.

Reason #1 

My roots are out of control.  I don’t want to scare my students and colleagues during our up close and personal Zoom meetings.  Worse, I don’t want them to start calling me skunk or Grammy. I guess it is a pride thing.

Reason #2

Your salon is closed due to the COVID-19 virus.  I felt lost and alone and had no-one else to turn to.  Madison Reed was there in my time of need.

Reason # 3

I was brainwashed by the Crime Junkie Podcast’s commercials into thinking she would be an adequate substitute for you. 

 However, Madison will never be you and this is why:

  • Madison Reed did not show up at my house. She only sent her supplies.  You never leave your supplies at your station and expect me to figure it out. You take care of me.
  • My husband had to apply the color.  He complained the entire time.  You never complain to me. You always put the color on with such love.
  • When I tried to talk to my husband about all of his short comings, he didn’t listen to me with the same empathetic tone that you use when I talk to you about him. Boy do I miss our therapy sessions.
  • Neither Madison Reed nor my husband offered me a cup of tea or a magazine to read while my color set. Not even an ounce of hospitality, I had to fend for myself!
  • Neither offered a relaxing shampoo with a head massage or to blow-dry my thick hair into a camera ready style!  This is downright cruelty.
  • I was reminded to make sure that I cleaned up my mess when I was done.  You never make me clean up my own mess. You go as far as to nicely send me into another room, with a cup of nuts, while the color sets, so I don’t have to watch you clean.

I want you to know that my relationship with Madison does not remotely compare to our time together and how I long for us to reunite with each other once this quarantine is over.  My roots and I are hoping that you will be able to return to your “chair” very soon.  Until then…

Your unfaithful, but appreciative client.

To no fault of your own, who have you been “unfaithful” to during this time of social distancing; taking care of your own needs, instead of employing someone to do it for you?  Is it your nail technician? Barber? Favorite bartender? Gym trainer? Starbucks barista?  Restaurant server? Macy’s sales clerk? The service industry in general?

All of these workers are facing uncertain economical times right now as they rely on our business to support them and their families.  Please remember to keep these workers in your thoughts and prayers during this financially trying time. For the sake of their livelihood, I hope this is a short-lived quarantine. And perhaps next time you see them, you can let them know how much they mean to you by giving them an extra tip.

16 replies »

  1. Good one Julie! I love it….I was just looking at my own current hair situation and wondering how long I could get away with waiting for my own “hairapist” what’s even worse is that my husband thinks he’s going to get me to trim his hair this weekend! OMG that scares the crap out of me….it’s one thing for a girl to trim her own bangs in between cuts, it is quite another to be trusted with clippers next to my husband’s head. So, I haven’t cheated yet by coloring my own hair, but I did resort to buying some hair product from a store rather than my “hairapist”!
    Thank you for this…I look forward to your daily posts!!! ❤️❤️❤️

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  2. hi Julie!!!!

    As a long time customer of the same hairapist i totally get your concern and adoration for her! Hang in there and know you aren’t the only one who has felt weak during these crazy times.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Julie – your posts have been the highlight of my days! So hilarious, and totally relatable. Lucky for me I got my hair done the last day my hairapist was open – so I have s few weeks before I get desperate! However, as much as I hated to, I had to cheat on my cleaner (Housapist?). I was in tears of shame and regret the entire time I was cleaning my bathroom (ok, there may have been a little resentment in there, too, being left with no options other than a dirty bathroom). I’ve been completely faithful to her for the last 6 years. I will say, I am continuing to pay her (guilt money) in the hopes that she will return with open arms of understanding and forgiveness once these crazy days have passed.

    Thanks again for the lighthearted reads – I look forward to them each morning! Stay safe and healthy. XO

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh no, you had to be unfaithful to your housapist! LOL! “Housapist” sounds like a “dirty” word. (no pun intended) I am sure she will return to you someday and you can resume your relationship, free from resentments.

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  4. This was hysterical. I do not know if I would trust Stephen to do my hair. I did shave his though and after I did it I realized it was not my calling! I am hanging onto the nail polish on my toes as it is a reminder of happier times when I was in Key West just a few short weeks ago!

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  5. Good post, Julie. You not only write good, you are a comedian too. The other day I was walking around the circle with a few of my neighbors (yes, we walked 6 feet apart). Of course, this being a 55+ community, we had to talk loud as we had a hard time hearing each other…. The ladies were talking about their hair roots showing and made the comment that now everyone was going to know how white their hair really is. Well, all who know me know I let my hair grow out 10 years ago and my hair is nearly all white. Jokingly, I said to them that I had the same concern. This did make us laugh. I may not have to dye my hair, but my hair was so long and I couldn’t stand it so I took the scissors and chopped it. Definitely a terrible job, but with a few curls I can pretty much hide all my mistakes. I confessed this to my hairdresser when she called yesterday to reschedule my appointment. She said she is hearing all kinds of stories about do-it-yourself hair stories. Just goes to show we will appreciate even more the value of the women who make us “beautiful”. We’ll have to definitely tip them generously as they will need it and it will be extra work for them to repair what we have done to ourselves.

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    • This post was hysterical. It made me laugh out loud. I can imagine you and your neighbors discussing each other’s roots. I love how you “confessed” to your hair stylist. As you know, I did the same. I am sure there are thousands of stories like ours out there. We are definitely not alone!

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    • I just ordered another shipment from Madison Reed. I actually liked the product. It covered my grays well and was a pretty close match for color. I would definitely recommend it during the salon closure period.

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