My Dearest Hairapist,
We have been in a long-term, exclusive relationship for more than 22 years, which is what makes this letter so difficult to write. But, I believe that a relationship is built on honesty and trust, so today, I am revealing my infidelity to you. Yes, I have been unfaithful to you with… Madison Reed.
I want to justify the many reasons why I felt I had no other choice but to stray. I hope you understand.
My roots are out of control. I don’t want to scare my students and colleagues during our up close and personal Zoom meetings. Worse, I don’t want them to start calling me skunk or Grammy. I guess it is a pride thing.
Your salon is closed due to the COVID-19 virus. I felt lost and alone and had no-one else to turn to. Madison Reed was there in my time of need.
Reason # 3
I was brainwashed by the Crime Junkie Podcast’s commercials into thinking she would be an adequate substitute for you.
However, Madison will never be you and this is why:
- Madison Reed did not show up at my house. She only sent her supplies. You never leave your supplies at your station and expect me to figure it out. You take care of me.
- My husband had to apply the color. He complained the entire time. You never complain to me. You always put the color on with such love.
- When I tried to talk to my husband about all of his short comings, he didn’t listen to me with the same empathetic tone that you use when I talk to you about him. Boy do I miss our therapy sessions.
- Neither Madison Reed nor my husband offered me a cup of tea or a magazine to read while my color set. Not even an ounce of hospitality, I had to fend for myself!
- Neither offered a relaxing shampoo with a head massage or to blow-dry my thick hair into a camera ready style! This is downright cruelty.
- I was reminded to make sure that I cleaned up my mess when I was done. You never make me clean up my own mess. You go as far as to nicely send me into another room, with a cup of nuts, while the color sets, so I don’t have to watch you clean.
I want you to know that my relationship with Madison does not remotely compare to our time together and how I long for us to reunite with each other once this quarantine is over. My roots and I are hoping that you will be able to return to your “chair” very soon. Until then…
Your unfaithful, but appreciative client.
To no fault of your own, who have you been “unfaithful” to during this time of social distancing; taking care of your own needs, instead of employing someone to do it for you? Is it your nail technician? Barber? Favorite bartender? Gym trainer? Starbucks barista? Restaurant server? Macy’s sales clerk? The service industry in general?
All of these workers are facing uncertain economical times right now as they rely on our business to support them and their families. Please remember to keep these workers in your thoughts and prayers during this financially trying time. For the sake of their livelihood, I hope this is a short-lived quarantine. And perhaps next time you see them, you can let them know how much they mean to you by giving them an extra tip.